As you can imagine, I am ready for this baby boy to be here. I believe something changes the moment you see a positive pregnancy test. Life changes. And the 40 week anticipation is sweet and tough and beautiful and difficult all in one.
While I have spent the last 39.5 weeks waiting to hold this precious new baby boy, I was given the ultimate “heads up” that everything, as we know it as a family of 4, is about to change.
Last Saturday, I thought the wait was over. I thought I had reached the end of my pregnancy road.
Ehhhhh, not so fast, Brunertown.
So, the last 8 days have been incredibly sweet and incredibly difficult. My mind tells me that I won’t be the only girl in the universe that stays pregnant forever, but my heart wonders if this is really true.
I trust the Lord’s goodness and timing and perfect sovereignty, yet my flesh is weak. And I want what I want when I want it. And then I find myself crying. And then I find myself back at the foot of the cross with a repentant and longing heart.
I wept this morning at church singing the hymn “In Christ Alone”. Since last Saturday, Brooks and Reese and I have sung this same song every night. It paints a perfect picture of where I long to dwell. Long for my heart to stay.
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied –
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.
In addition to the challenge of my faith & source of hope, I have been given a gift of time. Time to relish an ever changing, ever growing Brooks and Reese. The last 8 days have been filled to the brim with cherishing these two little people.
They could not be funnier right now. They could not be any more precious. They have brought me laughter and joy. They have been a source of sheer happiness.
I am deeply grateful.